Argumentative Essay. “Romantic love is not a good basis for marriage”

The notion of marriage as an institution which necessarily preserves the vital social values of stability, continuity and propriety, only at the cost of brutally suppressing equally powerful individual needs, naturally comes under scrutiny. During the XX century, there have been heated discussions concerning romantic love and its impact on long-lasting relations. Some people suppose that pre-arranged marriage ensures long-lasting relations based on trust and financial gain, but it is also profoundly dangerous precisely because it can release and feed as many urges as it satisfies. They state that romantic love is not a good basis for marriage. Thesis Romantic love is a good basis for marriage because it ensures warm and friendly relations between spouses; it has a positive impact on human relations and their development, and ensures loving and friendly relations with children as “product” of love.

Help with Argumentative Essay. “Romantic love is not a good basis for marriage”
Help with Argumentative essay. “Romantic love is not a good basis for marriage”

Warm and friendly relations between spouses are the core of successful marriage and trust. When people meet an “ideal person” their mind has perceived that the situation calls for some emotional reaction. From the psychological point of view love is caused by the feeling of personal freedom and self-realization. Sexual attractiveness is closely connected with an ideal image created by a person, while the desire to have children reflects sexual affection. It is possible to say that fools fall in love because they need sexual satisfaction with an ideal person to give birth to their offspring. Marriage “is about staying in love and staying together for a lifetime despite the fact that both partners are individuals who change over time” (Marriage is Forever, 2006). The common ground between the sexes, therefore, is getting smaller, and the institution of marriage is beginning to fall to pieces if people do not understand and value each other. A woman when she marries ‘is cut off from men’s society in all but the most formal and intermittent ways. For this reason, love and friendly relations are crucial for successful marriage and happiness.

Romantic love has a positive impact on human relations and their further development when love disappears. It is not a secret that many couples. Some researchers underline that love therapy is a useful tool to create or restore positive relations and family happiness. Jennifer Chalmers comments that “The topic of creating and sustaining the feeling of love was never discussed in any of the marriage-related workshops that I attended, but the issues [discussed] were not intended to help couples create the feeling of love” (Chalmers, 2006). The author gives special detailed attention to the difficulty which can follow elderly couples, but she underlines that love can be recreated in order to save marriage. In this case, love comes from overcoming the barrier by sharing feelings and comforts. Also, when love disappears, people still bond to each other leaving no space for anger and despair (Wilding, 2003). Divorce is the institution, the ‘custom’, which enables private life to adjust to the pressures of the market, and divorce is the ideal solution for pre-arranged couples without love (Knapp, Stearns, 1993). On the hand, there is little research which could help to indicate that love actually produce real, live marriages among the poor.

Romantic love is the main power which forces people to have a family and give birth. To give birth and to become a parent is a natural wish of nearly every person. For this reason, a male or female chooses a healthy and strong, beautiful and successful person for reproduc­tion. It is an instruct feeling to choose a partner, but it causes falling in love. Every person wants to have good children, and for this reason he/she chooses a “special” person. Bonding comes with the shared activity afterward, in which people learn about each other through co-operation. Trust emerges not just with sex, but also with shared activity through which people bond by learning to trust each other. Romantic love is a good basis for marriage because it supports an instinct or desire to give birth. It is based on the evolutionary success of pair bonding as a reproduc­tive strategy. This cause is closely connected with sexual attractiveness, but it has different stimuli (Sternberg, Barnes, 1989). Love as care does not refer to an emotion or a state of mind so much as to a human faculty of identification with others, sympathy with all beings. Also, love is a basis for intimate relations and sexuality. Following O’Sullivan love “enhances our well-being, improves the quality of our lives, and helps us to prevail over difficult times. Those living without intimate relationships are at risk” (O’Sullivan, 2004, p. 71). In addition, for most couples, sympathetic and compassionate relations help to overcome life grievances and troubles they face. The most appealing feature of romantic love is firm personal standards applied to everything around people. Love is eternal value which can lead to sufferings, but it does not influence the essence of human existence.

In sum, romantic love and passion are typical for every person and should be the basis for successful marriage. The spiritual experience, emotions and psychological states are strong, if people fall in love. Romantic love is a good basis for marriage because it helps people to establish strong relations based on trust and reliance. Even if love disappears, a marriage couple is bond by friendship and warm relations which help to avoid separation and divorce.  Also, children should be born in a family full of love and sympathy, mutual trust and understanding. Romantic love affects people and forces them to achieve high social status and wealth but treasure cannot replace unrequited love causing the feeling of personal failure.

References

  1. Chalmers, Jennifer H., Ph.D. (2006). Romantic Love: Is it a Realistic Goal for Marriage Therapy? http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8118_real.html
  2. Knapp, M., Stearns, P. N. (1993). Men and Romantic Love: Pinpointing a 20th-Century Change. Journal of Social History, 26 (4), 769.
  3. Marriage is Forever. (1997). Retrieved from http://bygpub.com/books/tg2rw/chap12excerpt.htm
  4. O’Sullivan, L F. (2004). The Psychology of Intimacy. Archives of Sexual Behavior, 33 (1), 71.
  5. Sternberg, R.J., Barnes, M.L. (1989). The Psychology of Love. Yale University Press.
  6. Wilding, R. (2003). Romantic Love and ‘Getting Married': Narratives of the Wedding in and out of Cinema Texts. Journal of Sociology, 39 (4), 373.

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